IH 목표라면 지금 내용 좋은 소재는 이미 다 들어가 있어요. 다만 문법 / 대명사 / 자연스러운 표현만 정리하면 훨씬 좋을 것 같습니다.

특히 지금 글에서 가장 큰 문제는 he / she가 섞여있다는 점이니다. 오픽에서는 이런 부분이 점수에 꽤 영향을 줍니다.

My best friend’s name is Yeonwoo Lee, and I’ve know her since I started university. He she used to live next door when I lived in the school dormitory, and we have been best friends ever since the we first time we met. Regarding his her appearance, she has got brown eyes and brown hair. Even though she’s Korean. I think her bright-colored features are very charming. As for his her personality, she’s on very outgoing and she listens to my story stories very well. she’s also a decent athlete. she’s pretty good OK at running, so i we sometimes run with her somtimes together around Han river. we hang out with each other all the time.