Hello. My name is Keonhun Lee, and I am 28 years old. I am (currently) looking for a job these days. I would like to find a position as a Relationship Manager in a bank. I graduated from Kookmin University last year, and my major was Private Law. (Right now), I live with my family in a house. There are four people in my family: my father, my mother, my elder sister and me. We live in Uijeongbu near Ganeung Station. Most of my friends say I am outgoing person and easy to get along with. As for my hobbies, I usually enjoy playing my guitar in my free time, and I like to ride my bicycle in the park during weekends. Thank you for listening.

'지금' 이라는 표현(currently 혹은 right now)이 불필요하게 많은 것 같아요

이 정도로 해 보시면 어떨까요 :)